Even in the happiest and healthiest of relationships, there are going to be upsets from time to time. Learning to clear those upsets and move forward without any residual resentment is the key to keeping your relationships in a state of growth. Follow this 3-step process to easily improve your relationships.
1. Acknowledge How You Feel
When you experience an emotion that you consider negative, take the time to get the the root of the upset and acknowledge what you feel and why you feel that way. For example, if you’re upset with a friend who is constantly late, you may feel disrespected because it feels as though she does not value your time. The more clear you are, the easier it will be to communicate your feelings.
2. Express How You Feel Responsibly
You will know that you are communicating responsibly when you start statements with “I feel” rather than “you make me feel”. This is paramount to successfully clearing an upset. No one can make you feel anything, yet so often the tendency is to blame others. In the example with the friend arriving late, you may express something like, “When you show up late to our meetings, I feel disrespected, because I think you don’t value my time”. Make the shift to responsible communication and watch your relationships transform!
3. Declare a Resolution
Upon clearing how you feel, declare what you would like for the future of your relationship. In the case of the friend who constantly arrives late, it might sound something like, “It would really support our relationship if you could be on time for our meetings. If you know you’re going to be late, please let me know ahead of time. Can you commit to that?” If your friend cares about your relationship, more likely than not, she will be in agreement.
Little things can make a big difference! If there is something you need to clear to improve your relationship, take action to make it happen. Remember to clear your upsets in a timely manner so that you can spend less time in resentment and more time enjoying the benefits of a happy and healthy relationship!
How do I express my feelings to someone who always has the need to go to the bar and hang out with his friends without getting into a confortation. All this person is seeing is that I am being negative and I cant controll what they do.